Letter from the Editor – by Frank Larnerd

Currently I am reading through submissions for my newest anthology, “Strange Critters: Unusual Creatures of Appalachia.” A few of the submissions have been bad, some have been rather good, and some have been fantastic.

No matter where you’re submitting your stories, here are 10 things that will help you get your story out of the slush pile and into print.

10. Follow the Guidelines – Guidelines are important tools crafted by publishers and editors to insure that submissions have a unity in their theme, length, and content. Not following the guidelines is like telling the editor you know what’s better for the anthology than they do. Using odd formats and fonts only shows that you can’t be trusted follow simple instructions.

9. Be Careful when Submitting Trunk Stories – Sometimes you have a story – that with a few adjustments might be the perfect submission. Be careful that you are not sending out a story just because you have one, rather only send out something that really fits the required guidelines. Your story might be great, but if it doesn’t match the guidelines, you’re wasting your time and the editor’s.

8. Watch Your Mistakes – Proofread your story. A certain amount of mistakes is understandable, but don’t have so many that an editor stops reading your story and focuses on looking for errors.

7. Do Your Research – Don’t know the diet of east Florida pelicans? Use the internet! There is no reason not to have a passing knowledge for your writing subjects. Watch some documentaries, read some articles, or listen to some lectures. The little details you find during research will give your stories authenticity and credibility.

6. Write Outside the Box – Do something different. Imagine what kinds of stories the editor is receiving and find a way to break away from the normal submission mold. Consider using a different time period, tone, or characters from the standard submissions. The more that you can stand apart, the better off you’ll be.

5. Setting – Your setting should be another character in your story. Every place has a history and a uniqueness all its own. Find, or craft settings that spark the imagination and lure readers into waiting more.

4. Rewrite – Give your story the attention it deserves. Polish it and perfect it, until it gleams. Don’t settle with a first draft, take the time to make your story as good as it can possibly be.

3. Craft Connectedness – Resolve your story in a way that relates to the characters and their goals. Great stories come back on themselves like a serpent eating it’s own tale.

2. Have Characters – Characters have to have real lives, flaws and desires. Make your characters should be more than a name and an occupation. Give them backgrounds, personalities, and troubles… and they’ll supply you with plenty of story.

1. Build on Drama – Everyone of us has real problems: money, sickness, shame, fear. Give your characters real drama as part of the story. A vampire chasing someone through the woods is boring, but a vampire chasing someone searching for baby formula during a hurricane is much more interesting. Pile on real human drama and you’ll have a much more readable story.

***

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or check out my website at www.franklarnerd.com

Cookin’ Up Something New

 

 

Cooking is an art. A great chef can create a new dish by understanding the proper balance of ingredients.

They must plan for taste, texture, temperature, and consistency. When a proper mixture of these elements is achieved a new master piece is made.

Writing is same. As the chef of our stories we have to make sure we use the proper measurements and ingredients. If our stories have too much character and not enough action, they we be bland and tasteless. If we forget to include psychological drama to our physical drama, the story won’t rise. If we know the way around the research kitchen we can use exotic facts to spice up our stories.

Some times meals are carefully prepared and sometimes they are thrown together from the supplies you have on hand. Either way, let writing nourish you and your creative side.

***

Here is a little recipe that I through together one night for the family. Everyone liked it so much that it’s become a regular meal at our house. I hope you enjoy!

Frank’s Princess Chicken

 

Cook Time: 90 minutes

 

Servings: 7

 

 

 

Ingredients:

 

3 lbs. bag of frozen boneless chicken breasts

 

1 lbs. box of penne noodles prepared according to directions

 

2 16 oz. jars of Alfredo sauce

 

1 ½ cup can of diced tomatoes

 

2 cups of water

 

3 tablespoons of butter

 

1 tablespoon of crushed red pepper

 

1 tablespoon of Tony Chachere’s creole seasoning

 

All the ingredients you will need

 

 

1. Preheat oven to 400°

2. Place frozen chicken, 2 tablespoons of butter and 2 cups of water into a baking pan. Cover with foil and place in center of oven

 

3. Bake covered chicken for 45 minutes.

4. After 45 minutes, turn chicken and return to oven.

5. Prepare penne noodles.

6. In a separate pot big enough for two jars of Alfredo, add diced tomatoes, crushed red pepper, and creole seasoning to Alfredo sauce.

7. Mix Alfredo sauce intermittently over low heat.

 

 

8. After 45 minutes, remove chicken and strain.

9. Return chicken to baking pan and cube into bite sized pieces with knife.

10. Mix 1 table spoon of butter with strained noodles.

11. Pour finished noodles over chicken.

12. Pour finished Alfredo sauce over chicken.

13. Mix chicken, noodles, and sauce thoroughly.

14. Serve and enjoy.

 

 

The finished meal, ready to eat

 

Follow my cooking at www.facebook.com/flarnerd

Or have yourself a treat at www.franklarnerd.com

 

10 WAYS TO MAKE THE MOST OF YOUR BOOKSIGNINGS – by Frank Larnerd

As a senior editor at Woodland Press, I am incredibly thankful for possibility to participate in book signings. Usually once a week, I trek out to a local bookstore and sit for a few hours. Sometimes it’s a smash it, sometimes it’s not.

To some, booksignings are a writer’s curse. If you’re not a big draw, you might only talk with a few curious people. If you’re not outgoing, you might talk with less. This leads some folks into viewing booksignings as ego crushing torture, rather than an golden opportunity to reach new readers.

Here are 10 things that might help you at your next signing.

10. Give something away: Free candy, or snacks is a great way to bring people over to your table and start a conversation.

9. Dress right: You might look great in a suit and tie, or a skin tight dress, but being comfortable will allow you to be more at ease with the long sitting times and talking with strangers.

8. Print business cards or fliers: Have a way for cash strapped readers to find you later. Give customers something with your name and where they can find your books.

7. Practice a spiel: When customers ask – “What’s this?” – Have a short pitch ready where you can briefly describe your books. Make sure it is as passionate and entertaining as your books are.

6. Smile: Who wants to chat with the scowling writer with their arms crossed? NO ONE. Smile! Wave! Say Hello! People are attracted to those who are having fun, be that person!

5. Listen: Customers are people too. Ask potential readers what kind of books they like, ask where they’re from, or if they are doing anything special today. Everyone like to feel special; if you’re involved in what is going on with them, they are more likely to be involved with you.

4. Avoid Crazies: You’ll get them – wandering unhinged vagrants, pompous would be writers, and kooky memoir authors – and they all wanting to talk to you about their dream book projects. They will never buy a thing, but will be sure to run off anyone else that might stop by your table. Don’t coddle them, or try to impart good advice, they will only get worse. Try using the phrase “well bless your heart” as a response to anything they say, they’ll get bored after a while and leave to bother someone else.

3. Be nice to the staff: That person behind the counter has it rough, be nice to them. Butter staff up with home-baked goodies and smiles. After you’ve gone they’ll remember you and push your book while you’re not even around. And when the time comes to set up new signings, you’ll get picked over other writes who couldn’t be bothered to even be pleasant.

2. Check out the competition: Take a minute after your done to check out the shelves. See what’s hot in the market and what other writers are doing. Of course it never hurts to pick up a new book either!

1. Sell some books: It’s the whole reason you’re there. Put them in people’s hands and make them buy them.

 

***

See what I’m selling at www.franklarnerd.com

Or be my friend at www.facebook.com/flarnerd

 

 

 

 

And Didn’t Know It

This post is by Frank Larnerd

April is National Poetry Month and the Academy of American Poets is using the celebration to promote poetry across the nation’s schools and libraries.

But if they knew the power they were unleashing, they might have stayed quiet.

See, some folks think of poetry as fluffy pleasing words crafted for boring intellectuals who drink Earl Grey tea.

Truth is… poetry is magic – real magic that can change the world.

Before Islam dominated the region, many different religions and customs existed in the Middle East. Vast kingdoms of nomadic people held many strange beliefs. One that has been mostly forgotten is that of the Sha’ir.

The Sha’ir were poets, but also much more. They served as shaman, able to converse with powerful demons and bestow powerful blessings. The Sha’ir could also use love poetry to swoon beautiful women, or war poems to weaken their foes.

A Sha’ir could generate powerful maledictions by removing one sandal and reciting curses. Their words become like falling arrows, piercing their enemies with poisoned tips.

The Sha’ir became well known for their epic poems filled with bravery and passion, one such poet was Antarah Ibn Shaddad.

Antarah Ibn Shaddad lived in present day Saudi Arabia over fourteen hundred years ago. He was born to an Ethiopian slave girl, but it was obvious to everyone that he was the son of respected member of the Banu Abs tribe. Still, Antarah was kept as a slave, dreaming of freedom and the love of his beautiful cousin Ibla.

When he was ten, Antarah slayed a wolf that attacked his father’s flocks, but it was his poem about the encounter that helped sustain his victory.

O thou wolf, eager for death, I have left thee wallowing in dust, and spoiled of life; thou wouldst have the run of my flocks, but I have left thee dyed with blood; thou wouldst disperse my sheep, and thou knowest I am a lion that never fears. This is the way I treat thee, thou dog of the desert. Hast thou ever before seen battle and wars?

Soon Antarah’s strength and bravery became well known, and when invading tribes attacked, his father asked him to serve in battle. Antarah claimed that he was a slave and was only worthy of slave duties. In response, his father freed him, finally accepting him as his son.

Antarah went on to be a great warrior, noted for his valiant courage, the might of his sword, and the power of his words. His sword “Dhami,” meaning the trenchant, was forged from a meteorite. His horse “Abjer” was unmatched in nobility and speed by any steed of prince or emperor.

Antarah fought many battles for the Banu Abs, but without the love of his cousin Ibla, his heart was empty.

But there was no time for heartache; a new terror had turned its hungry eyes to the Banu Abs tribe. Led by the fearsome warrior Gheidac, these nomadic raiders relished the thought of defeating the famed Antarah in battle and stealing the riches of the Banu Abs.

It is said that on the field of battle, the poet shouted at Gheidac, and that his words filled the warrior with horror. Roaring like a lion, Antarah raised up Dhami and with two strokes of the blade, cut Gheidac and his horse into four equal pieces. Pieces so precise, they say that it appeared he divided them with scales.

After the battle, Antarah brought his spoils of war to the Abla’s father as a dowry and soon they were wed. Members of three hundred and sixty tribes came to their wedding feast.

Once a slave, Antarah was now a hero.

Even after his death, Antarah Ibn Shaddad’s poems live on, inspiring all those who dream of something more.

So this April, use your words and make your own magic. Rise up from your humble roots, conquer your enemies, and find true love… even if it’s only a line at a time.

***

See my magic at www.franklarnerd.com

Or join my army of friends at www.facebook.com/flarnerd

Typos from Hell

This post is by Frank Larnerd

We have all done it: left out words, misspelled expressions, or swapped the order of terms.

But, it’s not your fault.

While you are refilling your coffee cup, or adding paper to the printer, something was altering your work.

Pious scribes in the middle ages were the first to encounter this unholy fiend. Under a malevolent shadow, it would alter their manuscripts and befuddle their words.

No matter how diligent they were, time after time, the monks still found the demon’s hand on their priestly parchments – erasing lines, or adding nonsense.

The monks named the demon “Titivillus.”

Today, Titivillus is still hard at work. You can see signs of his wickedness corrupting social media posts, while his mark has nearly shrouded over the entire twitterverse.

How can we mere mortals combat such an unearthly foe? Is there any hope against such erroneous maledictions?

Some sages might advise banishment spells, circles of protection, or shaking chicken feet, but here are some real steps you can take to help protect yourself from Titivillus.

• Use a text to speech program to read your work – An impassionate computerized voice isn’t the most pleasing way to have your words read, but it won’t fill in missing words, or skip over words that don’t belong. I recommend http://vozme.com/
• Read your work backward – This way you aren’t focusing on the story, but rather the sentences and the errors hiding within them.
• Have a critical friend read over your work. We all have one, you know, that friend who can spot a stain on your shirt from fifty paces. Turn their faultfinding skills to your advantage and see Titivillus flee in terror.
• Give yourself time to get unacquainted with your story – It’s easy to miss errors while the story is fresh in your mind, but if you can put it away for a while; a fresh look might help you reveal problems hiding in your text.
• Use a spelling and grammar checker – Although they don’t catch everything, these programs are the least you can do when proofreading your work.

  Watch Titivillus wreak havoc on me at www.franklarnerd.com

  Or become my friend and battle him together at www.facebook.com/flarnerd

 

Write Local

This post by Frank Larnerd

Every day, we are bombarded by the idea of shopping locally. The concept that putting money into your local economy helps spur advances for yourself and neighbors is simple and true, but often times we ignore our local shop owners for cheap and flashy forgiven imports.

Writing can be the same. The towns and areas where we live hold incredible ideas for stories, but often we gravitate away from what we know, and seek out thrills from faraway places. Big cities and exotic locations might seem more glamorous and interesting than our own towns, but it’s not always true.

Every place is special and unique. Your town has a history, full of people who struggled to turn the wilderness into a home. Your town has folklore with ghosts and legends that are unlike any others in the world. Your town has a name, forged from someone who changed history. Your town has traditions, parades, events, and customs. Your town also has its share of murders, secrets, and whispers.

 

When looking for new ideas for stories, we can often overlook rare and distinctive ideas all around us. You don’t have to go to a big city, or fly halfway around the world to find amazing ideas for a story. Ideas are all around you and these local ideas are yours for the taking. Stories about your home town are authentic, personal, and special – and they can fuel your writing and build up the community around you.

Become my friend and neighbor at www.facebook.com/flarnerd

Or visit my home on the web at www.franklarnerd.com

The Drain

This post by Frank Larnerd

Hidden on the east side of campus, behind the library is the drain.

Sometimes, I park in the tiny parking lot next to it, when I’m lucky enough to find an empty spot. Most students cross over it late for class, or in a hurry to print something out at the library. Me, I always stop and have a look at the drain.

I wonder if anyone else even notices it.

The drain is easily large enough for a person to fit, made of concrete, and dark. Greasy water, flows from it, cutting its way across the rocky makeshift creek bed to another section of drains.

Sometimes, when I have a break in between classes, I like to go look at the drain. It’s quiet on the east side of campus and you can hear the finches sing on spring days. It’s far from the noise of the union or basketball court, quiet and nice. I’ll stand there, books slung over my shoulder, looking into the drain and think.

Last semester there was a murder on campus. Well to be totally honest, next to campus on the same street where most of my classes take place.

A disturbed postal worker killed his girlfriend and killed himself and when police came to investigate, they found her body in the trunk of his car. He had sawed off her head and hands – and they were missing.

The case has mostly been forgotten about. Campus life moves fast and most students and faculty are too busy dealing with this week’s drama to be concerned about last semester’s tragedy.

But I remember.

I had been in Dr. Alderman’s office the day before, joking about Titus Andronicus, Shakespeare’s play full of decapitations and severed hands – and the next day, I was hearing the reports of the murder over the local AM radio.

They never found her head and hands.

So, I stand and watch the water spill from the drain on days when there is no rain and I watch and think. I imagine what could be inside that drain. There could be treasure, or a sleeping troll, or maybe something someone wanted hidden.

I watch the drain and the drain watches back. We both know that the one thing is surely inside… a story waiting to be written.

Become my friend – www.facebook.com/flarnerd

Check out my website – www.franklarnerd.com

Tools of the Trade

This post by Frank Larnerd

Like any other profession, writers use tools to complete their jobs. But, what else could you need besides a pen and paper? Well, let me show you my most important writing tool – The Idea Book.

Ever have a great idea, only to lose it, or forget it? Me too. That’s why I started to keep a note book. It’s a really simple tool, but invaluable to me as a writer.

An Idea Book doesn’t take have to boot up, take batteries, or be recharged. There is no worry of losing your data to corruption, but like many modern gadget, you should keep it out of the rain. I like a notebook with dividers for multiple subjects.  That way, I can easily find what I’m looking for. Notebooks with pockets are great and a real advantage when trying to stay organized.

The very first pages on my Idea Book are filled with titles. Hollywood Producers in the 50’s would often have a title and poster for a film, before one page of script was written. I think that a great title can really inspire the imagination, so whenever I happen to find a good one, I write it down.

The middle of my Idea Book is devoted to stories in process of being written. Here, I list the names of all my characters and other relevant info. I often draw out a diagram of my three acts, so I have some idea where I’m going, but I never fill out entirely, so there is some room for improvisation. This keeps me on track and helps the story from ballooning out of control.

In the last section of my Idea Book, I jot down interesting names, places, and events. These ideas can be used in a pinch for stories, or can inspire research into something new.  But, it only helps when you write them down, I keep my Idea Book nearby, so I can scribble down an idea, before it floats away.

Make you own Idea Book, they are cheap and require no instruction. Fill yours with whatever writing tools you need – maps, sketches, character biographies, genealogical family trees – whatever. My Idea Books have served me well over the years, and I think you will find it a worthwhile tool in your writer’s toolbox.

Follow my story building at www.facebook.com/flarnerd

Or see the finished products at www.franklarnerd.com

10 Things Every Writer Needs

This post by Frank Larnerd

Please note: I have excluded normal writing musts like coffee, alcohol, and illicit drugs.

10. Time to dream- Seriously, a writer needs time to day dream. You can’t create new worlds if you don’t give your mind the opportunity for a little impromptu imagination.

9. A place to work- Every writer needs to have a spot where they can work undisturbed. You can’t stay in the story with constant distractions. Give your writing your attention and you’ll grab the readers.

8. Imagination Fuel- Take the time to be inspired. Read a good book. Watch a great play. Listen to some amazing music. Allow yourself the opportunity to let another artist’s vision invigorate your writing.

7. Sleep- When the mind is unrested and foggy; you can’t do your best work. Make sure that you are getting the rest you need to operate at your best. If you feel that you don’t have time for a good night’s sleep, try cutting out things that (might be fun) but aren’t important.

6. Slack- Go ahead, give yourself some. Everyone makes mistakes, don’t beat yourself up over it, learn from it. Allow yourself the opportunity to fail and give yourself the leniency to try again.

5. Patience- Writing takes time. It’s not gunna happen overnight. Keep plugging away and you’ll get there.

4. Locked lips- Keep it to yourself. Don’t tell everyone about your story idea and end up not writing it because you’re burned out on the project. Finish your story and then tell the world.

3. A Notebook- You know how right before you fall asleep, you get a really great idea, but the next morning you can’t remember what it was? That’s me, all the time. I keep a notebook for any ideas I have, or things I find interesting. It’s great for inspiration when you’re at a dry spell.

2. A Dream- Make a writing bucket list for yourself and fill it full of all the aspirations you have a writer. Places you’d like to be published, awards you’d like to win, or creative people you’d like to work with. Look over your list regularly, are you doing everything you can do to reach those goals?

1. A Passion for Writing- Forget any dreams of making money or changing the world. If you really want to be a writer, you have to do it for the love of the craft. If you’re hoping to be the next instant writing celebrity, or imagine your book signings will be filled with 6000 people, get back in your underwear ‘cause you’re nuts. If you’re a writer, you will work mostly alone, filled with anxiety over words that even your closest friends won’t bother to read. You’ll see very little money, or respect. You’ll be viewed as a slacker and dreamer, and your work will be ignored or ridiculed. But, if you’re really a writer, none of that will matter because you’ve still got the story.

What would you add to the list?

-FL

See Frank ignore his own advice at www.facebook.com/flarnerd

Or watch his writing dreams come true at www.franklarnerd.com

Official Story Soundtracks

This post by Frank Larnerd

 

 

Music makes up a big part of my writing process. I know a lot of writers who crave silence, but I like listening to music as I write.

Many times in working on a project, I will select 2 or 3 songs that have a tone, rhythm, or style I’m seeking for my story. It’s like building a mini soundtrack for my stories. As the songs play, I try to sync my writing too it, absorbing their notes and melodies as I write.

Sometimes, it can be hard to write a scene if you’re not in the right frame of mind. If you’re depressed or angry, it can be almost impossible to write something bright and cheerful.

For me, I’m a normally pretty happy guy, but a lot of what I write isn’t. Music is one of the ways that helps me go from playing My Little Pony with my 4 year old – to writing about Pirate ghosts carving out people’s eyes.

Dark somber murder ballads are sometimes called upon to put myself in the proper mindset. Other times, thudding drums and screeching metal guitars are employed to provide proper pacing for chase scenes.

 

 

 

 

 

Sometimes, the secret is to keep it low, barely there, just barely fluttering into the room. But then again, blaring your music loud as you jump around in your chair, fingers dancing on keys has its advantages. And I can’t lie, sometimes I just want silence as I write.

Still, I can honestly say that almost short story I have written had at least one song that helped it along.

So the next time you’re writing a scary scene, put on some Nick Cave, or fuel up your action scene with something from AC/DC, or set the mood for your romantic scene with a little Nina Simone. The important thing is to find a way to keep the words flowing… that’s a music in itself.

Now, tell me – What songs have inspired your writing?